Three Simple Questions

I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention, but, you guys, 2020 has been WILD. My 2019 was rough in many ways, but 2020 looked at my journal, laughed and said, “Girl, hold my beer.”

And let me just say, not for nothing, all y’all that posted “I’m going into 2020 with 20/20 vision” could have given the rest of us heads up. I’ve found myself slipping into familiar habits – all the things that fill my cup when I find it empty. I got up early, ran a couple of miles on the trail in my neighborhood, ate healthily, spent more time in the Word, surrounded myself with people who would build me up and…sorry, I was laughing too hard to finish typing that sentence. I did exactly zero of those things. I stayed in bed until the last minute, stopped doing yoga because I couldn’t bed over after eye surgery (but didn’t bother to find another workout option), slogged through my Bible reading like a toddler forced to eat broccoli, ate all the things, drank all the things, watched all the things, and sunk deeper and deeper into a funk.  (Follow me for more tips on how to be live your best life). This post is super uplifting, isn’t it? Hang in there. We’re turning a corner. I couldn’t pinpoint what was making me spiral, so I started paying attention to when those feelings really hit or I started to feel anxious. Raise your hand if you’re not surprised when I tell you one of the big triggers was social media. I see those hands. Here’s part of the problem. At a time when this country is more divided than it’s been in my lifetime, instead of speaking the truth in love, too many of us are speaking our truth with anything but love. Years ago I learned three simple questions to ask before you speak – and I would add, before you post.

1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary?

So simple, but so powerful. Even if you can say “yes” to two out the three, best to shut your mouth or take your hands off the keyboard. I had a friend who often said, “I’m just speaking the truth,” before they’d say whatever was on their mind, sometimes with devastating results. Was what they had to say true? Yes. Was it kind? Not always. Was it necessary? Rarely. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” That Solomon was a wise guy. The NIV translation of the same verse says, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” 

Our words have the power of life and death. 

Have you ever said something and immediately wished you could take it back? If you said no, you’re either a liar or mute. It’s happened to all of us in varying degrees. When I think back to when I was raising my girls and the times I spoke harshly to them, I can see the hurt in their eyes and watch their spirit being crushed. I see their faces fall, their shoulders droop, and feel weight of their sadness as they walk away. Those are heavy memories. Our tongue cuts like a sword – not only did I wound them, I wounded myself. Social media takes away that visceral, face to face reaction, making it easier to “speak your truth” regardless of who is wounded along the way. Am I suggesting you allow misinformation, gossip, or bullying to go unchecked? Absolutely not. It’s important to stand up for the truth in every circumstance. What I am suggesting is that you stop and evaluate why and how you speak. No one ever in the history of humanity has ever calmed down when someone said, “You need to calm down,” nor has anyone suddenly changed their mind because someone called them a liar and a fool in front of God and everyone. Disagreement isn’t hate speech unless you make it so. 

Disagreement isn’t hate speech unless you make it so. 

The Book of James is a favorite of mine. It’s crammed with wisdom, insight, and instruction on how someone who is a follower of Christ should behave. I read it often – though not as often as I should. James 3 contains some of the best advice on the tongue you will ever encounter in secular or sacred text. Chuck Swindoll says, “The book of James looks a bit like the Old Testament book of Proverbs dressed up in New Testament clothes.” In other words, James challenges people who claim to be Christians to act like it. If we are disciples – a follower of Christ who seeks  to emulates His character –  we must speak and act in a way that reflects Christ.

“The book of James looks a bit like the Old Testament book of Proverbs dressed up in New Testament clothes.” Chuck Swindoll

In a season where discord is the word of the day, we who call ourselves followers of Christ have a responsibility to be the light of the world. Remember the words of Romans 15:5-6 “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, ⁶ so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” We live in a broken and hurting world with the power of life and death in our hands. Choose to be a healer. Choose to speak life. Choose to bring hope. Choose to see your friends, family, neighbors and strangers as image bearers of our creator God, lost souls in need of a Savior.

“If I love God, I must love people. I don’t have the choice to choose when.”  Jackie Hill Perry