Sticks and Stones

I’ve often said that anyone who says “sticks and stone may break my bones but words can never hurt me” has clearly never been on my bad side. That and “God never gives you more than you can handle,” have to be two of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.

Of course, words hurt. Stop right now and think – what’s the worst thing anyone’s ever said to you? I mean other than, “Sorry, we’re out of queso.”

When I was 14 or 15, one of the leaders in my church – let’s call him Frank – took a dislike to me and announced to anyone listening I was going to end up and unwed mother, living in a trailer park with a bunch of babies. Keep in mind, I was a dorky teenager, possibly the worst flirt in Canadian history, and had never even kissed a boy – well, other than Stephen Pierce when I was like seven when he gave me a piece of scrap wood with a penny glued to one end and part of a squirrel tail glued to the other. I mean, a grand romantic gesture like that – what’s a girl to do? No wonder I was swept off my feet. Swoon.

Looking back, Frank’s comment reveals more about his character than mine. Unwed mother? That doesn’t equate to being a bad mother. Trailer park? What’s wrong with a trailer park? A bunch of babies? I grew up in a big family and loved it – sign me up.

Unfortunately, at the time I was crushed. His words left a stain on my heart that remains to this day. Obviously – I’m writing about it decades later.

I’m a self-confessed word nerd. I love the way they sound and how the right word can evoke an image or a feeling so powerful it’s visceral. I keep a journal with a running list of favorite words – extant, portmanteau, triskaidekaphobia, viscous, enervate, supercilious, brackish, bulbous – I love the way some roll off my tongue, some almost feel as though they have texture.

That love of words turned into a career. I’ve written a thousand things – Bible studies and resumés, journal entries, and a master’s thesis, wedding speeches and eulogies. My early work makes me cringe, and I learned early on that a writer’s best friend is an editor. Author Nancy Thayer once said,  “It is never too late in fiction or in life to revise.” 

That’s true in life. Frank’s words to me all those years ago shaped the way I viewed myself. This was a leader in my church, his opinion mattered. Maybe he saw something in me I didn’t know about myself – after all, he was an adult, and adults know things. 

I wrote last week about misremembering, so there’s a chance I don’t remember exactly what he said or how he said it. I don’t remember what was going on before he spoke – we were in the sanctuary of a church surrounded by other church members so it couldn’t have been too shady. Maybe he was trying to be funny. Maybe he was having a bad day and snapped at the first person he saw. Maybe he was just a misogynistic jerk who saw an opportunity to make someone feel small and dirty. 

But just like Thayer said, it’s never too late to revise. Since then, when I think of his words, instead of a wound, I see them as a weapon. Not just a weapon used by Frank, but by the devil himself. Today, I know that those words that cut me and shamed me, made me feel like I had done something wrong were from the lips of the devil himself. He whispered in my ear and twisted my sense of self. The things people say about us carry weight beyond measure because they reinforce what we fear about ourselves. 

The devil knows your weakness better than you know yourself. He knows how to creep into those vulnerable places and whisper that you’re not enough. You’re not smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough. Lies. It’s all lies. 

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

Ephesians 6:12

Take back the lies the devil has told you. Take those words and take away their power. Declare that you will not allow any outside force to warp your thinking – either in this world or the spiritual realm. There are spiritual laws that demons must obey. Your power is in the name of Jesus, His blood of Jesus, and the Word of God.

1 John 4:4 reminds us “But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.“

Sticks and stones may break your bones but words don’t have to hurt you.